Finding our Compass
A good place to begin the year
As we head into a new year, many of us are thinking about time and how we spend it. I certainly have been, and when I do this, I always return to a favorite book, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. Burkeman reminds us that we all share roughly the same finite measure of time on this earth- about 4000 weeks. The big question is not how to control what we can’t control, or how to avoid difficulty, but how to find meaning and peace within the many limits of life, and how to spend our time on what matters most to us.
This is much of what we will focus on in this group in 2026, and, as we discussed on Friday, this is where the wisdom of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) comes into play. ACT is a framework that suggests that life’s fullness comes not from eliminating pain but from opening to it and accepting it. The work is to find peace and the ability to sit with discomfort while still moving toward growth and meaning.
Burkeman highlights the cultural pressure to be “productive” and the drive to engage in activities that consistently take us away from what truly matters to us. He asks how technology has transformed society, enabling efficiencies not imagined 50 years ago, yet people are more rushed and more stressed than ever. Burkman’s central insight—that we have only 4,000 weeks—can at first sound depressing. But his deeper message is just the opposite. When we stop treating time as a scarce resource to overmanage, we begin truly inhabiting it and become deliberate about how we do so.
The Myth of Perfect Conditions
ACT provides a starting point for becoming deliberate about inhabiting time. We don’t seem to do this naturally or well. Many of us grow up believing that a “good life” comes from fixing problems first, and then we can enjoy life; however, we all have limited time. There is no doubt that Parkinson’s changes the playing field, making it more difficult, but the basic elements remain the same.
Perfect conditions will never exist, and uncomfortable thoughts or emotions are part of the human journey; however, they don’t have to drive it or define it. We get into trouble when we wait for our feelings to drive our actions. If we wait to feel ready to act, we waste valuable time. Instead of waiting to feel ready, ACT invites us to notice the inner weather—fear, sadness, fatigue—and to carry it with compassion. We can let those feelings exist without letting them limit what we do. Act regardless of how you feel. We don’t need to feel courageous to act courageously.
Values as a Compass
One of ACT’s central principles is to live from values, not moods or feelings. This aligns beautifully with Burkman’s work, which encourages us to commit to what is most important to us. Feelings are like the weather—ever-shifting and often beyond our control. Values, by contrast, are what is most important, the compass bearings we choose again and again: kindness, connection, learning, service, creativity, hope. Values anchor us. When Parkinson’s symptoms fluctuate, it’s easy to feel pulled away from these anchors. Yet values are precisely what can ground us when our feelings fluctuate.
An example: What kind of person do I want to be in the face of this challenge, whether it be the challenge of the illness or the caregiver role?
Perhaps you choose curiosity over fear, engagement over withdrawal, balanced care for all over adopting a martyr role. Living by a value doesn’t erase pain—it gives it a purpose. You become more aware of the choices you have: “Even with this stiffness today, I will move with care and patience.” “Even with anxiety, I will connect with people I care about and not isolate.”
The ACT framework suggests that “You can feel anxious and still take meaningful action.” Burkman echoes this idea when he reminds us that our time will always be limited and imperfect—but that imperfection is the condition for life. It is the human experience, not a barrier to it.
Opening to Time, Not Fighting It
Burkman’s central insight—that we have only 4,000 weeks—can be a strange thing to get your head around. I certainly thought I should be living in a different way in the last 25% of my life than I did in the first 75% of my life, but it was somewhat of a shock to do the math on this! Once you are past the shock, his deeper message is liberating. When we stop treating time as a scarce resource to be managed and instead seek to inhabit it more fully, there is a rich awakening.
People in the Parkinson’s community often speak about the mental tug-of-war between resistance and surrender. It is difficult to know when to push yourself and when to give yourself a break. ACT offers a way to frame this struggle and find balance. Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up; it means stepping out of the exhausting fight to feel different, accepting what is, and choosing to walk in the direction that matters most to you.
Burkman suggests something similar: that embracing our finite lives frees us from the fantasy of complete control. When we stop wrestling with the “shoulds”—I should be stronger, faster, more productive—we create space to engage with what is. We make room and in that quiet openness, we can discover surprising moments of gratitude, humor, and grace.
Moving into 2026 with a heart of acceptance
Consider what it would look like if you bring your values to the table this year, front and center, and move feelings to the side? What would it look like to meet time with openness and acceptance? Instead of judging moments as “lost” to fatigue or slowness, can you see them as opportunities for awareness and compassion? Life’s meaning isn’t measured by speed or productivity, but by presence and acts of acceptance and grace.
Life can be hard and good. We have only got 4000 weeks, so we’d best get on with it and enjoy all that we can!
I am beyond grateful to be on this difficult journey with you.
Cheers to 2026.