What we need to know about how people change
This week, I have been thinking about how to make positive changes in our lives and why it is often tough. What can we do to support ourselves? How can we make these changes last? As we explore meditation and mindfulness, these questions come up for me, and I assume for all of us.
This is an ongoing and rich conversation within our community. It applies to many things, from mindfulness and meditation to exercise to training ourselves to respond in new ways to our ever-changing circumstances.
For this piece, I returned to James Prochaska's 1992 research paper In Search of How People Change, Applications to Addictive Behaviors, which was published in American Psychologist. I was introduced to this in an addiction class in my Master’s in Applied Psychology program. This paper is a foundation for much of the work in addiction for the past 30 years. I remembered this work, which has much to say about how people change and why we get snagged. Understanding how we change and the change process for all human beings will help us approach challenges with understanding, compassion, and tools to move ourselves forward.
I hope to help you understand why change is hard and how to set yourself up for a better shot at success. Prochaska and his colleagues’ work outlines how people intentionally change behaviors, focusing on stages and interventions that fit each stage. The model identifies five core stages and appropriate processes for each stage.
I will drop the academic language and the addiction focus, hopefully presenting a helpful framework for understanding.
As we get started, remember that we run into problems when we apply change processes that do not fit the stage we are in. That is when things go off the rails.
Let’s start with the stages and appropriate processes for each stage and then look at a few examples.
Stage 1: Change is not on my radar: Individuals are not yet considering change, often not recognizing a problem or thinking about an opportunity for growth or improvement. They do not see a need for change. Doing anything is not important to a person at this stage. If someone talks you into trying something, you may try it for them, but it is not essential for you.
Processes that fit this stage: Individuals may increase their awareness of problems, issues, and opportunities, and consider how others are impacted.
Stage 2: I am thinking about it: Individuals acknowledge a problem or see an opportunity and start seriously considering change, but they have not yet committed to action.
Processes that fit this stage: They gather information about future action, examine pros and cons, and consider the impact on self and others.
Stage 3: Preparation: People have the intent to act soon and can commit to minimal steps toward change
Processes that fit this stage: They line up the logistics required to make the change. They may select the exercise class, the meditation app, and the guided meditation they will use. They discuss what they are doing and gain support from their network. They begin visualizing success and consider how to build a habit around this new pending action.
Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash
Stage 4: Time to do this ( Forming Change): Let’s go. You can start small, but you commit to beginning. You have a plan for what you want to do and when you plan to do it.
Processes that fit this stage: You are focused on doing the thing, even if it is a very small. You are forming a new habit and need to set clear expectations for yourself while in the forming stage. You may meditate for 3 minutes every morning, but you are doing it. You may be tracking what you do, rewarding yourself for doing it, and supporting this as a new habit you have decided to keep. You are NOT deciding if you will do this. That decision was already made.
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
Stage 5: Maintenance ( Sustaining change) : Change has been achieved, and the focus is on sustaining.
Processes that fit this stage: Is the goal to do this thing daily or daily-ish? Do you have a schedule for the week? Is the goal to meditate for 10 minutes five days a week? Is it 15 minutes a day, but if the morning is busy, you will only do 3 minutes?
Clarify your expectations of yourself and your plan for maintaining them and for when you are not, because both will happen. Have a plan for when you do not meet your expectations, because this is part of the change process.
Change is a cyclical process. Accept this and plan for it.
A few examples:
Example 1: I believe meditation and mindfulness are good, but I am having a hard time keeping the goals I set for myself. My spouse feels this is really important, so I know I should give it a go, but I can’t even do it. I set a goal of 20 minutes a day, and I only did 10 minutes for one day.
A few thoughts: This person appears to be in the “change is not on my radar” phase, and they are being critical of themselves for not meeting their action goals. Their process does not align with the stage of change they are in. They have not decided yet that this is for them. They need time to gather information, experiment and think about this before committing to anything.
They can consider problems and issues that a meditation practice might help with and examine this from the perspective of pros and cons. They might want to listen to the Michael J Fox Foundation podcast and gather more information from the Parkinson’s community to see if any of it clicks for them. They need more information to decide if they want to make a change or pursue this opportunity to explore potential benefits.
Example 2: I am just stuck. I am not exercising. Everyone else seems to be doing great, but I am not doing anything to exercise. I am too embarrassed to tell anyone!
A few thoughts: You are stuck, and we all get stuck. Could you try to move yourself through the stages of change outlined above? You are stuck between “I am thinking about it” and “Time to do this”. Give yourself a break and recognize where you are. Work the process.
Consider small steps you can take. Take the time to outline a pros and cons list and seriously consider how the changes you are considering may impact you and others. Make a plan to try this or start small. Make a practical action plan, set a date to begin, and visualize taking the first manageable step. Tell those close to you how to support you and that you need their support. Prepare your exercise plan around the habit structures we discussed, and plan rewards for yourself. Don’t skip the steps to recognize that you need more information before committing to change.
Change is not a black-or-white, yes-or-no, success-or-failure process. It is a cyclical process of growth in which losing engagement and re-engagement are built into the process. Maintenance and flexibility are critical components of a sustainable change process.
Understand the phase you are in and meet yourself where you are. Be kind to yourself. Recognize that losing engagement and reengagement are BOTH part of the process. Planning and acceptance of the cyclical nature of change are the foundations of sustainable positive change.
Two closing thoughts.
Every small decision and small step we make toward positive change lays one small stone on the path forward. Every small stone makes the next step easier.
Stop overthinking. Count down from 5 and do one thing that moves you forward in the direction you want to go. Align what you do with where you are in the change process.
Here’s to one step in a good direction!
We will see you at Park City Community Church at 2 on Friday, April 25.